Ep. 32 A Couple With Falling In Love pt.3
cover image from A Couple Without Falling In Love, ep.8
Written by Cordelia.
In this episode, we're going to give a preview of 2023, Fall, Japanese drama.
Listen to the full episode :
Hello, this is the Thursday Night Kissaten Podcast, and I am your host, Cordelia.
Today, in this episode, we are going to conclude our discussion about the TV show 'A Couple without Falling in Love' (恋せぬふたり). I will also share some personal experiences towards the end, so TMI alert. If it's too much for you, please feel free not to listen to the last part of this episode.
Asexuality is not Equal to Heartless
Similar to Sakuko, many people have come to me and pitied me for being aromantic. They do not stop saying, 'we all need love.' Yes, I agree. But, love is not necessarily from a romantic relationship. Love can come from parents, family, friends, hobbies, work, anything we are passionate about, and most importantly, from ourselves. We all need to know that romantic relationships are not the solution for self-hate; they can make everything worse. If we need love, first and foremost, we need to love ourselves.
People don't like to hear this, but that's okay. Again, love is not limited to romantic relationships.
Amazing Takahashi-san
It is truly not easy to be an ace, as people around can be abusive. But Takahashi-san's approach is truly remarkable. He hasn't done anything he doesn't want to do, and he hasn't kissed anyone out of fear of missing out. I think that is one of the most mature things I have ever heard. Amatonormativity, which means assuming that all human beings pursue love or romance, is a term coined by Elizabeth Brake in her book 'Minimizing Marriage; Marriage, Morality, and the Law.'
Most people believe that even if a person is not in love or married, they will eventually enter into a romantic relationship in the future, and their current state will be regarded as a temporary 'early stage,' always transitioning into a marriage relationship. The single state is not considered self-sufficient but is always compared to the state of love or marriage, seen as incomplete and imperfect, a state yet to be completed. Even if a person is not in a romantic relationship, it is assumed they must yearn for romantic love. It seems that only love can fill a person's emotional gap.
For example, in the eyes of Sakuko's sister, Minori, Sakuko is considered stupid simply because she is not in a marriage. Everything she does and says embodies typical Amatonormativity. Minori is abusive because of her own fear of being alone, her concern for societal norms, and her envy of Sakuko's life. Midori even goes as far as to say, 'You are so lucky that you don't need to bother to love anyone. Like you have nothing, your life is empty!' She resents Sakuko and blames her sexuality, which also causes trouble in Takahashi-san's house. Despite this, Sakuko still says she will support her sister no matter what, displaying pure love.
To show appreciation to Kazu for taking care of Takahashi-san and for searching for Sakuko's good friend Chitsuru, the three of them—Sakuko, Kazu, and Takahashi-san—go on a trip to Odawara. There, Sakuko discovers the real reason why Chitsuru couldn't move in with her: Chitsuru was in love with Sakuko romantically. It is exhausting for Chitsuru to hold strong romantic feelings for Sakuko while Sakuko identifies as aroace. Additionally, Sakuko rejects Kazu's proposal.
It is painful for Sakuko that she cannot reciprocate Chitsuru and Kazu's romantic feelings. Is she heartless? No, this is just the world is not ready for her or for Takahashi-san.
The Ideal Life
Both Sakuko and Takahashi-san enjoy their life together. Takahashi-san especially cherishes having Sakuko in his life as a family member after she moved in.
Neither of them wants to end their life together. However, when faced with a great opportunity to pursue his dream, Takahashi-san is paralyzed by fear. He worries about losing Sakuko as a family member and is afraid of losing someone who understands and respects his lifestyle, allowing him to be himself.
Ending
No different from many people, I love BL manga, romantic fan fiction, all my friends, books, writing, TV shows, and romantic love stories. However, I am an aromantic.
In 2020, I came across the word 'asexuality' through conversations with friends. A good friend told me about their sexuality. However, the word 'aromantic' came to me in a unique way.
In 2022, during an astrology training session, after closely examining my birth chart, our guru from India and my mentor both inquired about my previous relationships. After some discussion, my mentor suggested to me, 'You might be aromantic.'
At that moment, without any prior knowledge of asexuality, I replied, 'I am not a romantic person; I am a very realistic person.'
Both my mentor and guru burst into laughter, leaving me perplexed. I continued, 'I did study romantic literature, but I don't necessarily agree with many of its ideologies.'
My mentor responded gently, 'One day, Cordelia, you will discover more about yourself.'
In early 2023, after seeking therapy to address questions about my capacity for love, I embarked on a journey of self-discovery. I dated myself, read, researched, rewatched the show mentioned in this episode, and came to the realization that I am an ACE, an aromantic. I express and experience an extremely limited amount of romantic feelings toward anyone.
I love my friends, I enjoy friendships, but I have no romantic feelings. I often feel frustrated by romantic emotions. Some friends even ended our friendships because their partners refused to accept aromanticism as a valid orientation. My ex was right: I don't love the same way he does. I don't love him as a partner; I only love him as a friend. I should have discovered my sexuality sooner, but I finally found my truth. I'm not sorry; I am happy, an ACE, and aromantic. I love that flag.”
In the past I thought I had some communication barriers with some people from current culture, or it is my mental health but now I learnt that I have some communication barriers with people who connect everything with romantic feelings and relationships.
The comments I got from other people are always being, that Cordelia is a loving person. I do love it. I am not a person without a heart. My life is not empty. I have a life that I wish to live in.
Just as Sakuko says at the end, “I am the only person in the world who can say what kind of a person I am; I am the only person on the earth to decide what makes me happy, and my happiness means to me.”
As of now, the TV show isn't available in English. I've personally translated any dialogues referenced in this episode, which will be listed in the references section. This episode is written by me, Cordelia.
Thank you once again for tuning in.
Until next time, take care and stay tuned for our upcoming episode!
Work: 恋せぬふたり(A Couple Without Falling in Love) TV Show website in Japanese: https://www.nhk.jp/p/ts/VWNP71QQPV/ Book in Japanese: https://amzn.asia/d/0qLzJH8
